


Memories

by NiKaTaru



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: #Memory #Indonesia #Malec #Emotional #HappyEnding #Sad #LoveIsWhatYouDo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 17:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19873168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiKaTaru/pseuds/NiKaTaru
Summary: Sometimes dreams becomes nightmares when they come truebut even nightmares can become sweet dreams in the end.





	Memories

It had been a dream, nothing more, for a long time. He stood at a beach of a land he didn’t know. His eyes aimed at the horizon while the sun slowly rose. The ocean color started to turn from dark blue to a wide facet of purple-blue mirroring the red, orange and yellow of the upcoming sun at the same time. It was still chilling from the night, but he didn’t feel the cold. A soft wind, speaking of the warms from the coming day blew the sand around his bare foot and ankle. In his dream, Magnus stood behind him, leaning his head against his shoulders, his arms softly wrapped around him.

Alec took a deep breath to get back to reality. He turned half to the green of the island. There was a small house somewhere between all the trees and bushes, nearly unseen while hidden by the jungle. A house with a history and not a good one. His eyes wandered down to his husband, who was still asleep. Rolled in some blankets he had conjured last evening. Magnus breathing was calm now. The dreams that had hunted him half of the night had gone quiet. Alec once again bit his lip. He hadn’t slept at all. After the rough first half of the night he had constantly worried about his love and was near to ask him to portal them home. This dream he had, to visit Magnus home country Indonesia. This dream had turned into a nightmare when they had arrived at the old house where he had lived as a child. It surprisingly still stood here after all these years as if some magic had kept it safe from rotting down. Who knew if that wasn’t really the case? How could he even had thought that it would be great to come here after Magnus already had told him what had happened here so long ago. Maybe he wanted to give him the chance to let go. Or to find something good he could cling on when his memories would come back. How stupid he had been. Magnus had been brave. Alec saw it now, he still seemed not be good enough to read every nuance of his husband. He should have just told him that it was a bad idea to come here, but instead Magnus had told him, he would be fine and he wanted to try. They failed, badly.

They had arrived yesterday, Alec remembered as if he tried to remember a dream from a short nap.

It had been already afternoon when they had reached the island where the house of his mother and his stepfather stood. They had walked to the city before and Magnus had shown Alec all the places and had described how it had looked like ages ago, when he had gone to the market with his mother or ran through the fields as a child. Alec hadn’t count how often he said: “All this wasn’t here, when…” and a story had followed. Mostly the Shadowhunter could have told that Magnus only told him the good sides of the stories. Not the hunger he must have felt only the spectacular escape from the guards when he had run with a piece of bread. But even that Alec noticed it, he didn’t stop him, because that was what he wanted, to show that there are good memories. He even tried to catch up with some Indonesian phrases which he try to learn since they put up the lock in New York. He mostly hadn’t the time to learn, but when Magnus had collapsed and he hadn’t understood him, he had sworn himself to learn it. Indonesia was the best place to do so.

All the soft memories and the stopping on tourists spots where nice but it wasn’t why Alec had wanted to bring Magnus to Indonesia. But Alec should have let it stay that way. He knew it now, but he didn’t back at the other day.

“So will you show me where you grow up?” Alec regretted the words as soon as he had spoken them. Magnus went instantly silent. He had avoided the place for reasons but he could see the curiosity and the purity behind his loves bet. Not being able to find his voice back so soon, he just nodded and opened a portal.

This point of their journey was exactly the point where Alec had wanted to come to. To see where his husband has grown up. The house that were connected to the worst of Magnus memory. The one he wanted to make less painful to remember, so even if he would remember them one day he would have something good to remember too, that would keep him sane and would lower the pain.

“So that it is?” Alec had asked and opened the door of the small and old but still standing house. It wasn’t sealed. And even that the green had taken over the rest of the place, the house was untouched. When he had walked in, it was like stepping into a different time. Everything was still there, untouched. The small living room and the kitchen combined in one room. Magnus had followed Alec with a gulp. Turning to Magnus he took his husbands hand.

“Tell me something. Before all this happen, there must be some good memories you can share.”

The Warlock tried. Grapping the hand tighter, he looked up, taking a deep breath.

“There was the place where my crib stood.” He told him pointing to a little dark corner in the back of the room. There was nothing there anymore and by the way Magnus lowered the head, there was no good memory attached to this.

“They burned it. To clean my birthmark, to burn the demonic influence.” He could hear him whisper with an ironic laugh. Alec took his hand tighter and dragged him away from this room.

“Let’s go to the next room.”

Alec was so desperate to find something; Magnus couldn’t even reject his request and followed him without refuse.

They came into a small floor with 2 doors. When Alec was about to open one of it he could feel the shiver of Magnus.

“That was my room.” the Warlock whispered and grabbed Alec’s hand more tight.

“May I see it?” Alec asked carefully and Magnus just looked aside. Snapping a finger he opened the door while Alec stepped back to give it space.

“Not much to see in there.”

The room was not much wider than the door itself and not much longer also. It more looked like one of these wardrobe beds but higher or a boxroom. Inside laid a little blanket and nothing more.

“I had one toy.” Magnus found his voice again, trying to share a good memory. “A small lizard made of wood. There was an older child I ran into, when I was still small and escaped home. He made it for me. He said I had the same eyes like the lizard and that they where his favorite animals.”

Alec smiled and gave Magnus hand a little squeeze. But again his husbands look got different, as if a foggy cloud lifted itself from his memory.

“At least I thought it was a boy. My fath~ Asmodeus, it was him. I found it out years later. Another reason I trusted him, when I was about to leave him. He had told me he always had been there for me. I was stupid enough to believe him back then.” Magnus snorted derogatory.

“Maybe we should just go to the next door.”

The Warlock would have wanted to flee already but he had seen the hopeful look at Alec’s eyes before and ended his sentence differently. He had taken the next door knob without thinking and they stood outside a moment later. Immediately Magnus stumbled backwards.

“What is it?” Alec held him back from falling and was in guarding position at the same moment. Magnus pointed to the creek.

“There you can see the reason why I don’t take bathes in a river. Or more why I dislike creeks. Welcome to the place where my mother washed away the blood when I got beaten up and where my stepfather tried to drown me multiple times.”

Alec let his arm slide around his love more firmly. Magnus’s voice, sounding like a sarcastic guide, had made him clear that they should go. There was one door left. It must be a good memory somewhere around here. Taking Magnus with him back into the house he opened the last door before the frightened "No!" came to his ear. They had already stepped in, when he stopped. It smelled like burned flesh and blood in here. Magnus had left his arm, walking over to the bed.

"Mama?" only a whisper came from him. Like a lost child. The Warlock took away the old blanket. Shocked he stumbled back a step shouting again.

"Mama!" There was nothing there, nothing Alec could see. He didn’t really know what happened right now. Softly he laid his hand on Magnus shoulder.

“Magnus, what is…”

The look Magnus gave him was bitter, full of hate and deep hurt. Tears still ran over his cheeks, while it seemed like his inner pain was rising.

“I am sorry I brought you here. Let us go home.” Alec started to talk when Magnus face got more focused and he raised a hand towards him. Magic sparked over his fingers and it needed only one look into Magnus broken eyes to let him react. Despite the heat that slowly raised from Magnus fingers, he pulled him into his arms.

“I am here for you, Magnus. I will always be here for you. I am sorry.”

The hand sunk down when Magnus got torn out of his flashback. His stepfather would have never hugged him. Tears rolled like rivers from his eyes when he clung into Alec’s arms.

“Bring me out of here. Please Alexander. I can’t breathe.”

Begging Magnus words came to him. Alec grabbed him tighter and stumbled backwards out of the house. He never let go of his love until the house was nothing more than an unseen object hiding behind the green of the jungle.

Alec didn’t know how long they just stood there at the beach before Magnus finally managed to dry his tears and took a deep breath to loosen the hug.

“It’s okay. I am okay now. I just … damn flashback. Thank you for pulling me out there.”

Alec bit his lips and shook his head.

“No, I should have never brought you here. I thought we could make some new memories here, good ones. But I made it all worse.”

“We are still here.” Magnus tried to honor the effort.

“Yes, but would you go back into the house or even thinking about sleeping there?”

Magnus stepped back and turned to look to the now hidden house. Then he conjured some blankets.

“How about, we sleep here at the beach. It is far enough away from the house, but we would still be here.”

Alec inspected his husband skeptically.

“You are sure about that?”

Magnus put up one of his smiles, that told Alec that he didn’t really was okay with it, but he would do this for him. Sometimes Alec didn’t like that smile, but he loved the thought behind it, and especially when it gave him the possibility to do things right or to give something back for the effort or surmounting Magnus did to make him happy.

“No. But I really like to try.”

“Okay.”

Alec nodded, after the so honest answer.

They had built a little nest out of the blankets and had conjured some food for lunch. It was still warm from the day, but that wasn’t the reason why they didn’t really eat something. After the complete fail of this vacation Alec didn’t even know what to say. Magnus himself was more silent than usual and instead of talking he drank too much for his empty stomach. They watched the light fading when the sun sets at the other side of the island.

“I’ll collect some fire wood, so we don’t have to sit in the dark.” Alec announced. He just wanted to be useful and was sure his husband wouldn’t deal well with the darkness right now. Magnus hand landed on his arm before he even got up.

“Maybe …we can just go to sleep.” He insisted, not willing to let Alec go and stay alone at the beach.

Alec relaxed and nodded. After Magnus let the food disappear with a snap, he laid himself into the nest of blankets. Alec cuddled himself behind him.

“Good night, Alexander.”

“Sleep well, Magnus.”

They whispered, but none of them fell asleep. It needed at least half an hour until Alec could hear the steady breathing of his love. It didn’t last for long. When he was about to fell asleep himself, he heard the whisper and the shivering coming from Magnus. He didn’t know what he dreamt but he was sure it was nothing good and it had to do with his memories. Painful memories Alec so wished he could have wiped them out or at least encase them in good once. Wrapping his arms soft but tighter around him, he started to calm him down, every time he started again. Here and there whispering soft words in his loved ones ear. More than half of the night he had done it before Magnus had fallen in a deep dreamless sleep. Alec had stayed cuddled behind him, not even because of the cold that slowly rose in the night. He wanted to show him, that he was there and that he would keep him safe. His mind had wandered to the horizon and to his own childhood at one point but as much strict his parents had been, it was nothing compared to the things Magnus must have lived through in his childhood.

Some things maybe better stay buried. This thought came to him in the morning, when he stood up, not being able to lie on the sand anymore with the feeling of cold from the morning and the tiredness. Also Magnus had sleep calm the last few hours, so he wasn’t needed right there anymore.

When his thoughts of the last hours came back to the point he was know he looked down to Magnus again. Silently Alec walked over to his still sleeping husband. Kneeling down at his side he inspected him with a soft look in his eyes.

"I should have never asked you to bring me here." He whispered and lay down behind him again.

"Aku suka air jeruk sedih, cinta. Aku cinta kamu."

It was when he set a little kiss on Magnus cheek when he felt the shiver of Magnus body and heard the giggling.

"You are awake, since when? Wait. Why are you giggling?"

Magnus started to laugh and rolled to his back.

"Because I didn't know that you liked your orange juice only sad. You could have told me that, I would have squeezed the oranges a bit more."

Alec now looked even more confused than before.

"That is what you said in Indonesia."

Magnus giggled again and Alec couldn't hide a little smirk. It was good to see him happy again. He just watched him a little while before he gave him a little poke.

“Okay, so how do I say~ I am sorry my love. Because I wanted to give you a good memory for every bad you have?”

“Given the hundreds of years I lived that is a very huge goal, Alexander “

“Yes I know but I like to do this. I want this. So how do I say it in Indonesian?”

“Aku Cinta Kamu.”

“You know I know what these words mean.”

“Yes, but they describe it the best.” A smile came to Alec’s lips when he came closer.

“Aku Cinta Kamu.” Alec whispered.

"I love you too Alexander." Magnus said in a soft voice pulling him into a loving kiss.

"And since you asked."

He went on after they broke the kiss a moment later.

"I am awake long enough to see you standing there at the beach while the sun rises to a new beautiful morning." Alec smiled shyly.

"There is no need to be sorry. It is a view I will never forget. So thank you for this beautiful memory, Alexander."

"I..."

"I knew the whole time why you wanted to bring me here and even if it brought back the painful memories of the past I am grateful. Every memory where you are at my side, if you be there for me, care for me or just standing before the rising sun looking as stunning as you are. Every one of them is a good memory that I will keep in my heart for eternity."

**Author's Note:**

> A huge Thank You to Yuya  
> who helped me out with the Indonesian by translating everything  
> and coming up with a funny -spell-it-wrong-sentence- for Alec  
> and also for telling me so much about the weather and the beautiful country of hers. ^_^/)
> 
> For the ones of you who are interessted  
> a little bit of Indonesian:
> 
> Aku cinta kamu = I love you (as we all might know)  
> Aku minta maaf cintaku. = I am sorry my love. (which is what Alec wanted to say)  
> Aku suja air jeruk sedih, cinta. = I like orange juice sad, love. (what Alec said instead)


End file.
